I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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