I am puke
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
