so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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