Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
