there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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