glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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