my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So apparently I’m into choking now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
