So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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