I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
