You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
