Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
