Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
