fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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