I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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