remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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