i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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