Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
