He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
