oh god the rape fog is back!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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