I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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