I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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