sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
