I wannas sexs uuuuu
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
