; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
