break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize