she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
