there's paper in my vomit.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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