No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
