i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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