Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
