We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
