I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
