Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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