the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
