you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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