Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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