yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
