Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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