he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
