worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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