I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he was CRYING into my vagina
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
