I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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