i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
