I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
