I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
