I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
