my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
