just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
