if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
