She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
