his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's blow job season.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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