my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize