You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
