i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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