I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
thus making me awesome and them whores
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize