every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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