my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
