Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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