Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
