I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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