She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
