I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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