He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
