Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
