look no pants
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize