So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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