the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
