I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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