There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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