a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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