You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
