He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
