U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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