Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
