so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
