Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
