If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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