everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
