Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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