i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize