but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
