he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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