Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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