So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize