that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
