still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
