omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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