Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
