I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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