How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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