wake up i wanna do it froggy style
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
third nipple confirmed
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
