I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
