My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
not ubering you a puppy
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
