Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
