i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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