Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
