Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
