I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
