Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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