is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
