based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
bring money and cleavage
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
