OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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