we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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