sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize