I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
