we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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