So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
