I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
