I hate your face
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
