I can text with my tongue
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
