after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i now understand why vodka
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
