What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
