It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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