Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
