They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
