Umm I'm too high to move.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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