so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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