was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
